- "I'm sorry I'm not making a bomb out of salami fast enough for you."
"US vs UN vs UK" is the ninth episode of the second season of Scorpion, and the thirty first of the series overall. It aired on November 16th, 2015.
Team Scorpion is blackmailed to break into the United Nations to assist in the assassination of a menacing arms dealer. Also, Sylvester makes a bold move to protect Megan's wishes.
The episode begins at the hospital. The doctor tells Sly and Walter they can take out the tube later today and Walter says he wants it back in if there’s any problem. Sylvester is upset that he got a court order to have his sister intubated. Sylvester says having Megan declared unfit was wrong and Walter puts it on Sylvester. He says it’s not Walter’s call but Walter says it is. Then he spots a toy car that Megan has that he gave her as a kid. Ray works with Ralph and is coaching him.
Paige asks what he’s doing and he says he’s helping with his gym since he did poorly on his report card. Toby agrees and says gym class is Lord of the Flies. Ralph goes to carpool and Paige asks Walter how Megan is. He says she’ll get well and Paige says there aren’t answers to some things and he should prepare himself emotionally just in case. Walter brushes her off. Cabe has Katherine Cooper with him and she introduces them to Olivia Cromwell and Ian Gleason. Happy asks why they’re working with MI6.
Olivia says they’re after Jonas Madaky from Buritan who’s from an African nation and he’s fronting as a diplomat but is a gun runner. She says Madaky is serious about security and that means they can’t get evidence on him. He’s meet Suuto Ali who is doing an arms deal with Madaky. Olivia says they are speaking a rare language and Ian is one of 12 people on earth who speaks it. Paige asks why they can’t just record it and Happy says you can’t record at the UN and says you get static.
Olivia says they need to get Ian in to overhear the arrangements so they can nab Madaky making the deal. Katherine says they can’t use the evidence they have since it didn’t come through official channels. Team Scorpion has to get Ian into the UN past their security. They have three rings of security which starts with NYPD SWAT. Happy says there’s a blind spot there. Happy says UN IDs have holograms so they’ll get busted. Ray offers to get horse pee to distract the police horses.
The horse will distract the cop and they can get past there. Next is full body scanners run by federal agents. Walter says the third layer of security is tighter. Toby says they can’t sneak contraband past the high end scanners and Walter says they’ll get Paige pregnant and hide stuff in her belly. Happy shorts out the power scanner and then Paige gets wanded and she passes scrutiny. Last is international security with a biometric hand reader.
Olivia says Italy is not sending delegates so they have to make fake hands which Paige will carry in her stomach. Security people don’t know the individual delegates so they should be good. Happy says Ian will come with her into the tunnels and the team will let them in through the basement. Happy says it smells and Walter says it’s built over decades old slaughterhouses. One of Madaky’s security guards is down there and Ian kills the security guy and says he’s here to assassinate Madaky and they have to help.
Happy asked Toby why he didn’t read that Ian was not who he said. Olivia asks for status and Happy says they’re screwing them. Olivia breaks the news to Katherine who tells her this mission is over now. Olivia says they are on international property now and Walter says they’re not killers. Olivia says she has orders to forbid them to walk away. Katherine is furious and Olivia says she will trade her ethics for Madaky’s life and says she will send them to prison if she has to.
Cabe says they have no choice and Ian says it’s good they realize it and he says they need to find a conference room and he can fill them all in. He tells them he’s MI6 and in charge and he is on a line with Olivia. Walter says they can’t stay put for long or they’ll get caught. Ian says Madaky and Ali will be in a locked meeting room on the 5th floor. He says no innocents will get hurt and says he’ll come in head down and shoot the guy and then exit.
Then Ian says one of his security measures is a security door that he needs them to hack. He says they need to hurry and thinks they have less than an hour – perhaps the meeting is taking place right now. Walter sits down and starts to hack Madaky’s laptop. Paige asks if he’s going to help kill a man and Walter says he’s just unlocking a door and tells them to let him work so Paige doesn’t spend her life without seeing Ralph again.
Megan wakes and asks for water. Sylvester gets it and tells her small sips. She sips it then says please, never again. He asks if she means the intubation and he tells her Walter got a court order. She says please again and he says okay. He says he’ll find a way. Walter works while Ian rants impatiently. Walter says this is bad and show Ian something on the laptop. Happy says this is not good. Walter says he can’t unlock it and says it’s air gapped and there’s a key pad that opens it.
Ian confirms that’s the truth. Happy says she hacked the security cameras and shows them the deal is done and the meeting is over. Cabe says they have to go. Katherine says the team has done what they can but Olivia threatens Team Scorpion again. She tells her it’s not personal. Paige says she’s going to find a bathroom because she’s going to be sick. Cabe says the 7th floor has no surveillance and Ian can hit him there. Happy says she can make him stop there.
Happy and Toby are on the roof and she takes control of the elevator. Ian waits on the seventh floor and Cabe is there too. Cabe then tells Walter this will be over soon. Happy stops the elevator and Ian stands in front of the doors. Happy and Toby pull a switch and run. Walter says the door is stuck. Ian fires into the elevator and kills two then the doors open and he grapples with Madaky’s last guard. They lose the gun and he beats the guard and goes for the gun and then the guy puts two into Ian’s gut and he goes down.
Olivia demands an update as the men shove Ian down a trash chute to the incinerator. Katherine tells Olivia she lost her assassin and now her team is in jeopardy. But Walter says they are finishing this and says Madaky threw a man down a garbage chute, is a mass murderer and kills children. He says their abilities should be used to make the world a better place. He says they’re protecting the world. He says Madaky is in the green room now and will be gone after the speech.
Walter says he has an idea how to take Madaky out. Toby says it’s a rousing speech and Happy agrees to the Paige says she hopes he knows he’s doing. Walter says Happy needs to find salami casings. Walter says they will put a small directional bomb in his briefcase that will take him out. Happy heads for the kitchen and Paige and Cabe go out together. Happy hurries with the bomb and Walter cranks the heat to stall things. Cabe comes over and says he lost his watch and talks to security. Paige sneaks up and steals the guy’s jacket since he took it off because it’s too hot.
Cabe tells a translator she’s needed for a meeting and says she’s needed as a senior translator. She leaves and Toby goes with him and he calls Ray and asks if he knows Polish. He says he was raised by his grandma. He asks if he can translate. Ray says de nada (which is Spanish). The Polish Ambassador takes the stage and Toby steps up to go onstage with him. The entire UN stares at them. Cabe tells Toby to stall all he can. Toby adds words to everything he says to make the speech longer.
Happy finishes the bomb and says Paige is up. She goes into a room and tells Madaky she’s makeup and says she’ll get in trouble if she doesn’t take care of him. She flirts and he lets her. Walter and Happy head to the green room and once he shakes it up they have 15 minutes before it goes off. Toby starts quoting Whitney Houston. Toby then starts talking about how kids don’t know where they’re going because the hippocampus is not developed.
Paige says she needs more concealer and says she will have her assistant Ursula bring more. Walter shakes it up and says now they have 15 minutes before the boom. Paige asks Madaky to move into better light and she touches makeup onto his face as Happy comes in. She chews her out and says if she can’t hurry she can’t work for her then says put this in her bag and get up to work with the Norwegians. Happy puts the bomb in the bag and says she’ll be upstairs. Paige says whatever and acts snotty.
Happy asks if Walter is sure and says things are about to get crazy. Toby finishes up then mentions unfair ethnic jokes targeted against Polish people then cracks a couple of jokes and Cabe gives the wind up motion. Next up is Madaky who takes the stage briefcase in hand. He sets it beside the podium and starts his speech. Ray comes in to see Megan and Sylvester and they ask if he has what they need. He says no but he has two Band-Aids. Walter says it’s time for detonation.
The bomb doesn’t go off and Walter says not enough potassium and says he has a back-up. Olivia goes to walk out and tells Katherine she will personally detain the team if they don’t succeed. Madaky picks up his bag and Walter watches them on the stairwell and says one of the men is carrying the bag. The bomb goes off. Toby and Cabe yell down from upstairs and makes them think there are assassins on the roof so they go for the parking structure instead.
Walter opens valves in the basement then skids a lit match on the yellow car his sister gave him. That blows up the methane and Madaky and his men are cut off. Happy and Paige are electrifying a fence and when the men go to climb over, they juice them. Madaky gets away and into a limo. Toby runs up and asks if they saw him on stage. Walter tells Olivia to catch Madaky herself in the limo. Madaky’s car slows. Ian is in the driver’s seat and Madaky says he dumped his body. Ian says he’s a ghost – Boo.
Cabe and the team pull up and Madaky says they can’t arrest him and says the UN is international soil. Cabe says he’s outside of federal jurisdiction and Madaky says it’s the make-up girls. Olivia is there and asks why is he still alive. Then Ian gets out and Olivia asks what’s up. Walter says they faked bullets in Ian’s gun then she made a blood bag for Ian’s vest and then Madaky got the gun with blanks. He says he fell near the incinerator on purpose then Ian went down and Happy and Toby grabbed him out.
Cabe says murder doesn’t fall under diplomatic immunity and Madaky says he’s alive but Ian cut off his finger to leave it in the incinerator. Madaky says he will pay people to hunt them down but Walter hacked his accounts and gave it all to war charities. Madaky asks who they are and Toby says the people who were picked last in gym class. Olivia reveals she’s in business with Madaky and Walter found out. They found a payoff to Olivia and then Walter muted the call to tell Ian they can work together.
Ian nodded then Walter set up the lies to also trap Olivia. Ian asks her why she teamed up with that dog. Olivia says they are too smart for their own good and now Katherine will pay the price. She holds a gun on Katherine and Toby says she’s not bluffing then Katherine wrestles her for the gun and says she unloaded her gun and says she knew the team wouldn’t go along with an assassination plot so she knew they were putting on theatre for someone. Ian says she’s a disgrace to MI6. Cabe arrests her.
Walter tells Ian he should take off but the guy is already a ghost. They all look around and don’t see him. Happy says it’s bad ass. The team comes back and Ray says they made the news but they’re not mentioned. Walter says they never are. Walter says he’s got to change and go see Megan. Walter says he should have been able to take out Madaky for the greater good but Paige says he’s becoming more human. He asks for a ride to see Megan and Paige says sure.
Walter comes in and asks why she’s not intubated then says it’s not her call and Sylvester shows him the Band Aid and says they didn’t have time to get rings. Paige asks if they got married and Sly nods. He says Ray is a licensed minister and says Walter’s court order is no good since he’s her husband now and says he’ll do what Megan wants. Walter is near tears. He goes to Megan and touches her face and smiles. He says thank you for the car then says it came in handy for him today.
He says she was always there for him and he can’t fail her now. Sly says doing what she wants is not failing her. Walter agrees no more if it causes her pain. He says Megan will hang on until his research is done and Sylvester says he doesn’t want him to stop trying because he loves her. Walter says he knows that and he walks out. Paige asks where he’s going and he says – to save her life – then says he doesn’t treat life casually.
- Elyes Gabel as Walter O'Brien
- Katharine McPhee as Paige Dineen
- Robert Patrick as Cabe Gallo
- Eddie Kaye Thomas as Toby Curtis
- Jadyn Wong as Happy Quinn
- Ari Stidham as Sylvester Dodd
- Riley B. Smith as Ralph Dineen
- Camille Guaty as Megan O'Brien-Dodd
- Kevin Weisman as Ray Spiewack
- Peri Gilpin as Katherine Cooper